AWOOGAH! AWOOGAH! … opening lines are so difficult to write! #scifi #adventure

The Cat Wore Electric Goggles, by Mr Ian Hutson

The Cat Wore Electric Goggles, by Mr Ian Hutson

AWOOGAH! AWOOGAH! Opening lines can be so difficult to write, with hours, days, weeks, months, even years expended searching for that perfect combination of gravitas, emotion and an intellectual call to arms. Well, I wasn’t born yesterday, and that is why I settled on ‘AWOOGAH! AWOOGAH!’ as the opening line of the collection The Cat Wore Electric Goggles.

What could be more apposite for a collection of classic science fiction in the old-fashioned vein? How else could I have set the reader off on their journey through space, time and serious stories wrapped up in laughs?

AWOOGAH! AWOOGAH! sets the tone for rocketships, for chaps doing brave things, for elderly ladies in fur bikinis dragging elderly men into caves, for Her Maj, the Britisher Queen, busking in alien railway stations and for robot dogs waxing lyrical in both Latin and Klingon.

This awfully English collection doesn’t just push the envelope, it rips it open and runs screaming into the distance. Insane Cold War timetravel ? Tick, VG. Medieval monks with brains the size of planets? Tick, VG. Edwardian hunting parties stranded on planets where evolution has taken a very different path to that of our own? Tick, not so VG in the circumstances.

I can’t guarantee that you’ll enjoy reading each and every story but boy, oh boy oh boy oh boy, did I ever have fun writing them.

AMAZON Kindle & Paperback
Apple iTunes thingy
SMASHWORDS – all eFormats under the Sun
BARNES & Nobelus

CONTENTS
1. The Cat Wore Electric Goggles
2. One Saturday, Almost 2,000 Years A.D.
3. VTC = 1:1 +/- H times ATP
4. The Improvement Engine
5. One Small Step for Ma’am, One Giant Leap for Ma’amkind
6. The Unfortunate Fatal Incident at 7 AU
7. Tiger, Tiger, Burning Bright
8. Shall I be Mother?
9. The Especial Relevance of Cowpats
10. You fools! You fools! You insensible fools!
11. The Truth, The Whole Truth And Nothing But The Truth
12. The Almost Omnipresent Omniscient Monks

Splendid. Tickettyboo. Chin-chin.

Dandelion (no Burdock) #Abstract #Art @DandelionJenny #christmas #present ideas

Maelstrom - from Dandylion Abstract Art

Maelstrom – from Dandylion Abstract Art

Connect the squelchy outer reaches of your mind and uber-groovy psychedelia with a range of designs from Dandelion Abstract Art – from my mate, Jenny.

Glade Unique encaustic works translated into practical products like iPhone cases, laptop covers, tote bags, canvas prints, posters and even mugs – you name it, and if it’s one of the twelve dozen things that Messrs RedBubble produce on an artist’s behalf, it’s available. The only thing you can’t easily get these designs on is your poodle.

Jen is an artist working in the nether reaches of the East Coast of England – but RedBubble are international, and they produce your goods and wares all over the globe, and ship to Timbuktu too, even if you are wearing a tutu. They also ship to much more sensible places, such as Birmingham and Moscow, Adelaide and the upper reaches of the Zambesi.

Why not check out Jen’s stuff at Redbubble by clicking here – and you can even follow her on Twitter too.

Orchid When not wearing welding goggles (and a modicum of other clothing, unless it’s warm and sunny) and producing fantabulous abstracts, Jen likes vacuuming and world peace. Jen is meagre with her bio details but I am authorised to tell you that after spending forty years in the Army she is pleased to be settling into civilian life along with her pet badger, two ex-Chippendales and a bathroom cabinet full of the most delightful medications.

Prices range from Zilch to Oh Gosh, depending on what takes your fancy.

Dandelion Abstract Art.

Global – but local too.

Fire

Groovy!

The Complete Works – Aaron David @AaronDavid97 #christmas #present #thriller #comedy

The Complete Works of Aaron David

The Complete Works of Aaron David

AVAILABLE NOW: The Complete Works of Mr Aaron David. #thriller #comedy #scifi #english

When doused with a bucket of cold water and poked with a poking stick, the author had this to say for himself:

Everything I’ve written in one tome. The Almost English Dictionaarony; four short stories and four Bogas Biographies. The Skiffies; four mind-melting sci-fi short stories. The Tale of the Ancient Marina; my first novel, very funny. Rhyming Stuff; my poems.

Then he passed out again. His police records are equally forthcoming.

Name: Aaron David. Age: The wrong side of forty. Location: Bolton, the north of England. Occupation: Tradesman and brilliant novelist. Charges: Not nearly enough.

Author Aaron David, hanging in the Lowvre next to the cover of his Complete Works.

Author Aaron David, hanging in the Lowvre next to the cover of his Complete Works.

… but we think that covers it nicely. Photographs of the author are far and few between but here’s one, next to the cover of his Complete Works hanging in the Lowvre.

Our professional book reviewerist, Doris McGusset, (pictured here below) said of his book ‘Where’s my money? I want my money. This is the second book that I’ve read for you and yet you still haven’t paid me. I had other offers you know, I could have been a Bus Conductresser but no, you promised me bright lights and money and where has it got me? Sprawled in the park with my face shoved into a paperback, that’s where it’s got me. When am I going to get paid?’

Doris McGusset, reviewerist.

Doris McGusset, reviewerist.

Slightly more professional reviewerists simply said things such as “Wow” and “Go buy” and in one case, “One awaits his next release with antici ……. ….. …….. ……….. ……. ….. …… ……..pation.”

Aaron David’s website

Mr David’s Twitter thingy

The Complete Works on an Amazon very near to you, wherever on this oblate spheroid you may be.

My recipe for a delightfully cooling and nutritious breakfast consomme for those of us on a reducing diet: take one shallow dish and place therein twelve parts of Hendricks gin to one part of Schweppes Indian Tonic Water, add lemon and/or cucumber to taste and serve. Administer until one either falls off one’s perch or someone wakes one to advise one that it is now after noon, or perhaps the following day. Nota bene: one’s one serving counts as a quarter of one’s two bottles a day, or twice the roughage one first thought of.

The Complete Works of Mr Aaron David

The Complete Works of Mr Aaron David

Nine out of ten cats said ‘Meeow’ in our survey.

#kindle and #paperback

The Cat Wore Electric Goggles – just for giggles #kindle #scifi

The Cat Wore Electric Goggles, by Mr Ian Hutson

The Cat Wore Electric Goggles, by Mr Ian Hutson

My new batch of “les business cards” have arrived, and dashed splendid they look too eh? Sort of grungy grotty and yet with a soupcon of designer chic – difficult to classify, but they’re flying off the front desk like hot-cakes. The Vicar took three, and I gave some chap collecting for the Poppy Appeal half a dozen, since I had nothing smaller than a fifty on me.

Follow your spirit, and upon this charge Cry 'God for Harry, England, and Saint George!

Follow your spirit, and upon this charge Cry ‘God for Harry, England, and Saint George!

Difficult to classify is also a term wot might be applied to the latest release from the The Diesel-Electric Elephant Company (that’s us, btw). The Cat Wore Electric Goggles. There’s only one damned cat in it, and at that it’s a brief appearance.

Yes, it has rocket ships, but they’re old-fashioned rocket ships crewed by chaps who smoke pipes and do courageous things. Yes, it’s a bit of a giggle but then it also serves up lashing of serious points too (“lashings” is used here in the Enid Blyton sense of the word and in no way relates to being tied to things). Is it science fiction? Well yes and no, the science in it is improbable. Is it historical? Not in any way, since, although it is mostly set in some steam-powered electro-mechanical Victorian-esque nineteen-fifties-ish past, the history is wholly inaccurate.

One, inspecting the Guards.

One, inspecting the Guards.

Is it steampunk? No, not really, although there are some groovy orang-utans in there who made it into space only because of the efforts of some aliens who were rather fond of brass and of coal-fired technology. Is it “Empire”? No, although I do tend to set everything in some deliciously mythical England that never really was, and I do so as a defence mechanism against the behemoth that is commerical globalism and the glowering, dull omnipresence in our everyday lives of the more crass elements of parochial Hollywoodism. If you too are sick to the tits of every film, television and book offering featuring nothing but LPG explosion-effects, the flailing limbs of the same half-dozen actors, guns, guns, guns and endless, mindless violence then the settings of Hutson’s brain will prove a comfortable place for you. Is it blathering? Indubitably so.

So what is in it, exactly?

  • The Cat Wore Electric Goggles
  • One Saturday, Almost 2,000 Years A.D.
  • VTC = 1:1 +/- H times ATP
  • The Improvement Engine
  • One Small Step for Ma’am, One Giant Leap for Ma’amkind
  • The Unfortunate Fatal Incident at 7 AU
  • Tiger, Tiger, Burning Bright
  • Shall I be Mother?
  • The Especial Relevance of Cowpats
  • You fools! You fools! You insensible fools!
  • The Truth, The Whole Truth And Nothing But The Truth
  • The Almost Omnipresent Omniscient Monks

The alien invasion of England; Margaret Rutherford as a cave-woman extraordinaire; some insane Cold War time-travel at terrifying temporal velocities; the real story of the creation of Victorian England and the Industrial Revolution; England’s very first Moon landing, televised by the BBC on a budget (250 quid); a tale of when Her Majesty when out to meet and greet some aliens freshly arrived in our solar system; alien evolution – a tad different to our own, with a stranded hunting party; ghosts on the Titanic, and an exploration of whether “Heaven” is a green and pleasant land; robots on strike at the Austin-Morris car factory; the accidental release of a terrifying virus – everyone catches Middle-Englanditis; an electric detective with a slight problem in re logic; a few medieval monks, zipping through the ages on their knees.

That’s what’s in it. This is where it may be found:

NGLND XPX by Mr Ian HutsonNGLND XPX by Mr Ian HutsonThe Cat Wore Electric Goggles by Mr Ian HutsonNGLND XPX by Mr Ian Hutson

So who’s the author? Odd chap, goes by the name of Hutson.

Ian Hutson

Ian Hutson

Born during tiffin in the sea-side town of Cleethorpes, England, at half-past nineteen-sixty. Whole family immediately moved to Hong Kong where Father worked for the Ministry of Defence, spying on Cold-War Red China by listening in to their radio transmissions. Hutson Minor spoke only Cantonese and some pidgin English and was a complete brat.

At the end of the sixties was to be found on the Isle of Lewis in the Outer Hebrides of Scotland. Still a brat. There finally learned to read and write under the strict disciplinarian regime of the Nicolson Institute and one Miss Crichton. Then spent a year living in Banham Zoo in Norfolk, swapping childhood imaginary friends for howler monkeys, penguins and wolves. Skipped school for the year, the entire year…

IanHutson3 Followed, for want of something better to do and for want of a brain, in Daddy’s footsteps and found himself working for the British Civil Service in areas much too foul to be named. Was eventually asked to leave by the Home Secretary. A few years of corporate life earned some more kind invitations to leave. Ran a few businesses, several limited companies, then went down the plug-hole with the global economy and found himself in County Court, bankrupt, with home, car and valuables auctioned off by H.M. Official Receivers. Now lives by candlelight in a hedgerow in rural Lincolnshire as a peacenik vegan hippie drop-out, darning old socks and living on fresh air and a sense of the ridiculous.

IanHutson Dog person not a cat person. Favourite colours include faded tangerine and cobalt blue. Fatally allergic to Penicillin and very nearly so to Jerusalem Artichokes (they caused, not to put too fine a point on it, near-terminal flatulence of a most distressing level). Loves coffee and loves curry and likes both hot and strong. Has tried his hardest all of his life to ride bicycles but simply looks like a deranged, overweight orang-utan on wheels. Favourite film Blade Runner. Uses the word “splendid” far too much. Blood-pressure is linked directly to the increasing use of desperately poor – and foreign – “English” grammar. Head is thus permanently on the verge of exploding. Explode good. Do grammatical. Write safe. Aaaaargghh!

Harrumph. Steps down off soap-box and wanders away, reloading blunderbuss.

Publicity Head-Shots of Mr Hutson.

Publicity Head-Shots of Mr Hutson.

CONDITIONS – new from Christoph Fischer: finally out! @CFFBOOKS #ASMSG

CONDITIONS by Christoph Fischer

CONDITIONS by Christoph Fischer


History thunders on. The world is as insane a place today as it ever was. Delicious, isn’t it?

Christoph Fischer was born in Germany as the son of a Sudeten-German father and a Bavarian mother. Not a full local in the eyes and ears of his peers he developed an ambiguous sense of belonging and home in Bavaria. He moved to Hamburg in pursuit of his studies and to lead a life of literary indulgence. After a few years he moved on to the UK where he is still resident today. He completed a historical “Three Nations Trilogy” in 2013, comprising of “The Luck of the Weissensteiners”, “Sebastian” and “The Black Eagle Inn.” In May 2014 he published his first contemporary novel “Time To Let Go” in May. He has written several other novels which are in the later stages of editing and finalisation.

CONDITIONS by Christoph Fischer

CONDITIONS by Christop Fischer

Conditions”, by Christoph Fischer, is a compelling read. The protagonists are two brothers, one intellectually challenged, the other with personal issues. “Rainman” (Dustin Hoffman and Tom Cruise) comes to mind, but this is definitely not “Rainman”. Tony and Charles have lost their mother. Tony has had a tough life. Always missing out and having to make allowances for his brother, he doubts that Charles truly has a legitimate illness, and bitterly resents him for having taken up too much of their mother’s attention and resources.Charles has no sense of responsibility and his friends are a bunch of ‘freaks’. Again, this is not “Rainman”. It doesn’t try to be. “Conditions” stands on its own merits.

Author Christoph Fisher skillfully weaves a tale with a unique cast of characters that are realistic. They have human imperfections, “conditions”, which makes them likable and easy to relate to. In sum, the human condition, in its diversity, provides ample food for reflection after the reading is done. If you like reading stories that make you reflect on our emotional response to stressful life events, how we interact with one another as imperfect human beings, then grab a copy of this book. You won’t be disappointed.

Reviewed by Thomas Jerome Baker
Author of “How To Coach A Debate Team”

Christoph Fischer

Christoph is the one to the right of frame… ;-)



CONDITIONS on Amazon

Christoph’s website

Christoph’s blog

Christoph on Twitter

As some of the characters in the book say:

“Each and every one of us has their own weirdness, it’s just that it’s more obvious with some people than others.”

“Madness is a completely undervalued quality and I don’t understand why people should hide it to conform to some boring version of themselves.”

The Dog With The Bakelite Nose – Old-fashioned fictions #WIP #adventure

#WIP The Dog With The Bakelite Nose by Ian Hutson

#WIP The Dog With The Bakelite Nose by Ian Hutson

Coming soon (depending upon your definition of “soon”).

Today, I shall be mostly back in the trenches of an old-fashioned futuristic WWI tickling the contents of my WIP – exploring the strange beast that is pack behaviour; war.

So far my Olivetti portable has taken me to Mars, to what is the “Far East” when viewed from England, around the mills and canals of the north and through several difficult-to-identify parallel dimensias and universii. Scientific inventions abound, a Mr God is somewhat (deservingly) lampooned and a lot of very familiar but mis-used, under-used and plainly abused technology is given fresh purpose. I love fresh purpose, it tastes so much less oily than tuna.

We have curses in the stories, we have the rise of a new society and some aliens that I hope are actually alien rather than being some human-analogue with human proclivities. The time-travel in this WIP is, I hope, a little more realistic than the flash-bang-wallop variety powered by new-kew-lar energy and used only for petty politicking.

There is, naturally, a dog (although he does not actually sport a bakelite nose), and he finishes off what The Cat that Wore Electric Goggles started in the way of preventing a somewhat disastrous alien invasion brought home by one of Her Majesty’s exploratory rocketships. There are also elephants, although not on this planet.

The collection finishes off (will finish off, when I finish finishing it) with a spot of post-apocalyptic reality in England – sort of an apocalypse with a near-wiping out of the species, nice weather and the last of the teabags.

Yonder trouble is, as always, that I don’t fit into a genre (unless you count “rubbish” as a genre all of its own). It’s not entirely #sciencefiction and it’s not very #steampunk and it’s not wholly serious – while being thoroughly serious in lots of ways. I have vowed that the next project will be held entirely within the confines of a strict (and saleable) genre. [Giggles demonically because he knows that won’t happen, and wanders off stage left…]

IanHutson

Quirky Claus – child-friendly #christmas insanity from @SebWrites #picturebook

Quirky Claus by Sebastian White

Quirky Claus by Sebastian White

My most ‘umble and abject apologies for mentioning the Christmas word so before we’ve so much as salted a pig for winter, but needs must when the reindeer drive, etcetera etcetera most sincerely yours and so forth. Having thus prostrated myself at the feet of the statue of Makemoneyus, the god of seasonal commercial enterprises, may I introduce you to a magnificent picture book for grubs, rugrats, kidlings, fruit-of-the-loins – children – that I tripped over recently? Thank you.

Quirky Claus by Mr Sebastian White.

Quirky Claus is a new alternative take on the traditional Christmas story. As the mischievous cousin of the rather better known Santa Claus, he resides with his sidekick and not always, the most loyal of friends – Timothy the Toucan or A.K.A Timothy, (surname) Toucan. Quirky Claus , through a series of unique misadventures, (and not without more than a little help from his mischievous friend Timothy Toucan) gets himself into one increasingly difficult predicament after another as he attempts to deliver an array of unusual, incredibly bizarre, but above all, ‘unexpected’ Christmas presents to the naughty children of the world! Who, let us be honest, really would have been far “far” wiser to have behaved that ‘tincey wincey’ bit better before the actual big day itself! *This unlike many other children’s self or commercially published books out there…in the “big wide world,” whilst this appears a simple concept at first, the story actually works on many different levels. Although, it may not be immediately apparent – the central character himself ‘Quirky Claus’ actually appears on “every” single page of the book, whether he is hiding beyond the rear of his front door – to his ramshackle house or surreptitiously peeking from behind a Christmas Tree! Giving children plenty of time to spend finding him.

Good old-fashioned tactile paperback: Amazon UK Amazon US

Sebastian’s website here. More information AND you may purchase directly from the author should you so wish, be careful what you wish for because he knows whether you’ve been naughty or nice, mayhap a personalised copy for the nanny to read to the future heir?

Sebastian on Twitter.

But what is the point of writing about a visual work, when I could instead be showing some of it to you?

PAGE 1 PENGUINS ON  PARADE 0405

Page11Indian CLOUDS

Even the most jaded among us has to admit, surely, that the notion of an upside-down, alternative, not quite competent Father Christmas has a certain appeal…

Capital D – new release #action @newage_author Ash Stone

Silka Fontein was a typical rich little girl until she disappeared 15 years ago, right after her high school graduation after party. What happened to her? No one knows where she went to or why she had left so suddenly. Now, after all these years she returns home, different and completely changed, with secrets so deadly that everyone’s lives are in danger!  

She reunites with Taber Blake, her childhood friend turned quintessential playboy.  As they fight their unexpected attraction for one another, a series of action packed events have them fighting for their lives.  It is then that Taber’s own lethal secrets are exposed in the process. Will their attraction be enough to survive the truth?


This mish-mash of action, adventure, comedy, romance, mystery, suspense and drama is spy thrilling, spine chilling read bound to keep you begging for more! Available in an Adult or PG rated version, you will have no reason not escape into their world and hearts.



When Ash Stone (pen name) was born she was cute, cuddly and blue! Fortunately by the time the journalists arrived to take photos her, she was no longer blue. She made headlines in the local papers for being the only Christmas baby to be born that day in Aliwal North (South Africa). That’s right! She is was born on Christmas Day 1974. Before you say  “Aw Shame”  and break out the tissues, please know that Ash is a Christmas Diva! She always gets her two presents or else!


She is the second eldest of four daughters to a mother who was an accountant. Her father was a high ranking police officer in the old Apartheid regime, meaning he sat behind a desk and drank tea all day. They moved around a lot whenever her father was promoted to a bigger desk with better tea. As a result Ash did not have many friends and found her escape in books.

Ash’s first writing experience was when she had to write an essay to Toyota South Africa, in order to be chosen for their Toyota Edulink Program. She wrote a very detailed and motivational essay about how she was going to be the Managing Director of Toyota one day. After they undoubtedly had a good chuckle, Ash was chosen as the the only girl to represent all the Afrikaans schools in her province. She went on to be chosen for the Toyota Junior Achievement Programme and became the Managing Director of the company they had set up. The company made a profit and naturally Ash was tickled pink! Ash was chosen to remain in the Toyota Edulink Program for a total of three years. Whilst in her final year at school she also joined another program and studied Journalism and Drama at the Westville University.

After graduating high school, Ash went to study Business and Marketing Management as inspired by her father who had left the police force long ago and started his own property investment firm. Being a typical rebel, rather than joining the corporate world afterwards, Ash became a vegetarian hippie instead and went into a gardening/ nursery business with her mom. The irony of a vegetarian plant lover is still lost on her to this day.

Even though Ash never became the Managing Director of Toyota South Africa, she had enjoyed success in every aspect of her life. She is an award winning Horticulturist and won another award for a display when she represented South Africa in the 2000 Amsterdam Hortifair.

Among her many occupations,  Ash was more notedly the Purchasing Manager for McDonald’s Asia, Pacific, Middle East and Africa region. These days she is not a high flying corporate Exec or a vegetarian hippie, but internal sales at a local Mining supplier during the day. At night, she runs her own blog tour company, is an Admin of the Author Association ASMSG, a Guild Reviewer, a book blogger and self confessed Facebook addict.


She lives in Alberton with her childhood-friend-turned-husband and their two sons where she enjoys breaking all the rules with her writing. The eternal rebel loves to connect with her fans (or “Stoneys!” as she calls them). So, go on you rebel you!

Twitteror FacebookorLinkedin orGoogle+orGoodreadsorBlog

Consult the Author’s website for the PG rated version or to download the format for your eReader if it is not available in the digital bookstores below:


Author's WebsiteorAmazon




    On her way to work, she noticed a very glamorous looking coffee place. How convenient, she thought as she entered and stood in line. In front of her there was a queue of about seven people. They all looked like young corporate types and portrayed the impatience and self-importance typical of their generation. Part of her was glad to be back in civilization. The last time she had been here, she had spent a night with her parents en route to the new job. There was no time for ‘meets and greets’ or any reunions back then.

    “You’re not stalking me, are you?” Behind her Tay managed to surprise her yet again, but it only took a breath for her to regain her composure.

    “Hardly, I work across the street, so that leaves the stalking title to you,” she replied slowly and calmly without looking at him.

    She could feel the enjoyment emanating from him as his warm, minty breath caressed her cheek. His fragrance turned her on. He was leaning into her making every follicle in her body respond. There was an electric chemistry she felt just by his presence. It delighted her and excited her like nothing before.

    “I’ve gotten my morning coffee here every day before work for the last ten years,” he responded way too pleased with himself.

    “Good thing we are not dogs, or we’d be marking our territories right now,” she quipped back with a smile on her face.

Amused by her response, he offered his solution.

    “Or we could start a new tradition and have coffee together every day before work.”

    “Next!!” A shout came from behind the counter. A young lady with way too much make up on stood there waiting for Silka’s order.

    “I’ll have a regular coffee, please,” Silka pointed to the menu.

    “And I shall have a Latte along with that,” Tay duly informed the clerk and threw a bill of an impressive denomination on the counter as he positioned himself next to Silka.

    After she gave them their coffees, he took Silka by the hand. “Please sit and have your coffee with me?” he implored her with a look of anticipation normally seen on a kid about to receive his birthday present.

    He wore a dark suit and blue collar shirt with a matching tie. His tidy hair, clean shaven face and that suit made him look like a million bucks. Bloody hell he was Godly.  He was by far the most striking man she had ever seen. His looks made her heart contract, let alone her uterus.

    “Five minutes!” She raised her eyebrows sternly, but then smiled. She followed him to a table in the far corner. Taber pulled out a chair for her. She took a seat and leaned back with her coffee in one hand.

    Sitting opposite her around the very small, square table he couldn’t help but stare at her. How had he not recognized her? How had he never noticed how stunningly beautiful she was? More importantly where had she been? His mind flooded with questions. What had happened to her in the last fifteen years? Who had happened to her most of all? She had a maturity about her which was way beyond her youthful looks.

    She sat looking at him, gently sipping her coffee, smiling slightly and slowly blinking. She had always been confident, but he had never thought of that confidence as being sexy. To him her confidence was arrogance when he was young. Since he had become an adult he realized how wrong he had been. The caliber of women he dated was far from confident, trusting or loyal. They were insecure, jealous, whiney, clingy little girls that loved him only as long as his credit cards were at their disposal.

    Which reminded him: “How did you get Amber so spot on? She was highly impressed with you.”

Silka gave a huge grin.

    “I had my fair share of gold diggers. Amber will be anything and everything you want her to be, until the day you marry her. That is when you will see her true colors.” She suddenly realized that this was nothing new to him, although he looked as if he had just discovered a turd in his coffee. He leaned back in his chair.

    “What have you been up to all these years?” he asked boldly.

    “Why don’t you tell me about your side first?” she requested looking as if she could melt a polar ice cap.

    “Fine. Graduated high school, obviously, fulfilled other obligations, spent a gap year traveling the world, finished university and then went to work for my dad. Spill it!” he shot a challenging look back at her as he turned the tables.

    “Love to, but I am running late for work,” she said glancing at her watch.  He paused for a second.

    “Very well,” he smiled smoothly. As they stood up, he followed her towards the door. “Same time tomorrow?” he asked.

    “Only if I get the next round. Thank you for the coffee.”

    “Not a problem,” he said as they stepped onto the pavement. For a moment they stood there staring at each other. She smiled suddenly, and turned to cross the road.

    “Bye, Tay.”

    “Bye, Silly,” he yelled back. Sure enough he stood there watching her glide into the building across the street.

    Climbing into the back of his chauffeur driven car, Taber wondered if she had taken offense at the mention of the name he used to pull out of the box regularly to rile her up.  It got her every time.

    Silka used to hate being called Silly. She hadn’t heard that name in ages. It used to make her angry, but hearing it out of his gorgeous mouth today made her smile. His mouth was all she could think of as she headed out the elevator, into the parking garage, and drove out to the place she really worked at, in the outskirts of town, in a car that was not really hers, no less.





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FREE / #FREE / Bargain / #Bargain / Coming soon – #cult #funny Ian Hutson (and sundry others)

Covers2014

Cult Classics For The Modern Cult, edited by Michelle Browne

Cult Classics For The Modern Cult, edited by Michelle Browne

FREECult Classics for the Modern Cult

Cult Classics for the Modern Cult

Ten insane short stories from the B-movie realm fill out this anthology. There’s a little violence, some adult (18+) content, and a lot of completely bizarre creatures. Straighten your altar to the dark gods, pop open a can of your favorite mutagen, and hold on tight–there are threats much bigger than Godzilla, and they’re coming to a Kindle near you.

A World of Worlds

A World of Worlds

FREEA World of Worlds

Eighteen authors of the Writer’s Circle of ASMSG, pour their hearts, souls, and imaginations into stories of Other World Sci-Fi, Fantasy and Paranormal. Become lost in these genre-bending works and discover gems of short fiction by new authors. From space opera and alien worlds to wizards, warlocks and genies, there’s a little something for everyone.
NGLND XPX by Mr Ian Hutson

The Cat Wore Electric Goggles, by Ian Hutson

The Cat Wore Electric Goggles, by Ian Hutson

BARGAIN – The Cat Wore Electric Goggles

NGLND XPX by Mr Ian HutsonNGLND XPX by Mr Ian HutsonThe Cat Wore Electric Goggles by Mr Ian HutsonNGLND XPX by Mr Ian Hutson

Twelve mildly amusing fictions in vague science from an old-fashioned English gentleman who believes wholeheartedly in the cast iron foundation of rocket ships, good manners and always firing a warning shot over the heads of any belligerent mob before sending in the memsahib to duff ’em up.

If variety is the spice of life then this collection is a damnably splendid curry of improbable human conditions and improbable human beings. The ingredients include a spot of gentle medieval scifi, proper rocket ships, alien invasion of England, secret government satellites crashing and releasing stockpiled dinosaur DNA, insane Cold War time travel, groovy Victorian orang-utans in space, the televising of England’s first Moon landing, a very rude first contact, young Mr Darwin’s explanation of evolution placed in startling juxtaposition to flora and fauna on a distant planet, one or two maritime ghosts, a terrifying new virus and a detective with a serious career problem. I refrain for obvious reasons from mentioning here the elderly ladies in fur bikinis, and the least said about the Austin-Morris Motor Car Company’s robotic labour relations the better. Suffice it to say that the man from the past isn’t happy, and all’s well that ends well, provided that you’re a whale.

You won’t be a better person for having read this collection, but you will have a very respectable frown and a ruddy good permanently raised eyebrow under which to secure your monocle. Life is such utter nonsense.

NGLND XPX by Ian Hutson

NGLND XPX by Ian Hutson

BARGAIN – NGLND XPX

NGLND XPX by Mr Ian HutsonNGLND XPX by Mr Ian HutsonNGLND XPX by Mr Ian HutsonNGLND XPX by Mr Ian Hutson

NGLND XPX (or “England Expects”) is a wonky-wheeled pudding-trolley of sweetmeats and savoury treats for your brain-gland. We recommend a spoonful of everything. It’s all dreadfully civilised fun, and not at all serious. The science is improbable, the history inaccurate, the plots farcical and the fiction splendid.

Within these pages are old people in space, conscripted into the English military (and we have no idea how we’re ever going to get the universe to smell fresh and clean again). The truth about what really happened during the Industrial Revolution is revealed, including full details of that nasty accident with the first half-dozen steam trains, most of the bankers and all of the lawyers. We have mill-owner’s sons rebelling with a spot of ballet, mill-owner’s daughters wantonly playing the cello and mill-owner’s wives demonstrating the noble art of fainting into a small glass of something medicinal from the Orient.

The obligatory migration of the human species away from planet Earth is achieved in über-cheap Virgin Model-T spacecraft – available in any colour you like, so long as you like Virgin red. On high days and holidays we have Her Majesty The Queen meeting, greeting and sipping tea on the lawn with some very nice, very polite aliens, while in her darker moments under threat from rogue comets Her Majesty slips into a pair of rubber gloves and washes the dishes for Europe. The UFOs involved are classic flying saucers and the robots are cute, especially the short one with the trowel and the teddy bear who has to hurriedly invent some ten commandments for the human species (and he only manages four and a half, but they’re good ones). Even the very few zombies involved are extraordinarily polite, upper-crust and quite out of their depth without the help of a maid.

If you love rolling around in parts of the English language that haven’t seen the light of day for a long while, and if you don’t mind the occasional dozy Labrador dog throwing up in his goldfish-bowl space-suit helmet, then this is the book for you. Chin-chin, tickettyboo.

The Dog With The Bakelite Nose

The Dog With The Bakelite Nose

COMING SOON – The Dog With The Bakelite Nose

Including such tall tales as • ‘The Heinkel Bubble’ • ‘The Man who invented Extremely Wet Water’ • ‘The Maharaja of Mars’ • ‘The Dog with the Bakelite Nose’ • ‘The Curse of the Mandarin’s Mother’ and many, many, many, many others.

The customary mix of old-fashioned stories with no sex, damned little violence and almost no rock ‘n’ roll.

Time travel as it really is; an unkind view of global charitable efforts; chaps on Mars; the last-ditch defence of England against alien invaders; a light touch of the orient with not some little irony – and a whole selection of similar poopings from the author’s brain-gland.

Chin-chin.

Doodeedoo? It’s life, Jim, as my washing basket knows it. @TGilbertAuthor #audiobook #childrensbook

Doodeedoo by The Gilberts

Let’s get one thing clear right from the start. When this author stitches body-parts together and brings them to life it’s cute. When I do it apparently it’s a crime against nature. Doodeedoo by The Gilberts

Doodeedoo [Unabridged] [Audible Audio Edition].

Available on Amazon.com

and on Amazon.co.uk.

This is the tale of Doodeedoo, who was made of socks and superglue by a little mouse with tiny paws, red painted lips, and well-trimmed claws.

She’d read a book called Frankenstein but never passed page 109, and as she said, “I’ll have a go!” The mouse picked up some thread to sew… And so the tale goes.

A fun story for children, written in rhyme, and a lesson in not judging a book by its cover… so to speak.

Actually, it is pretty cute. The audio version is narrated by chaps with extremely pleasant voices. Stick it on at bedtime and the fruit of your loins, the old (young) heirs and spares, the future generations of you will listen to the end, demand another and another, and then eventually fall asleep (when the Phenobarbitol-in-warm-milk kicks in).

You can find out a whole lot more by connecting with the author chap.

Twitter
Goodreads
Website

Also available in most splendiferous #kindle and #paperback versions

Amazon.com
Amazon.co.uk